If You Really Loved Me You'd Let Me Eat Your Brain

Paris Latsis, 27, is the grandson of a dead Greek shipping billionaire. He is reportedly engaged to Paris Hilton.

We'll all owe Latsis a debt of gratitude if this gets Hilton out of the spotlight. But I still think he's an idiot. Paris Hilton's ideal mate is a big mirror so she can stare at herself and make soft coo-ing noises. The only thing more self-involved than Paris Hilton is a black hole.

This cannot end well.

No, I haven't gone off my meds. I'm actually happy about something the French people did for once. Read all about it here.

54.87% of French voters said non to the EU's first constitution on Sunday. This is a good sign for freedom-loving people everywhere. France is the driving force behind the EU's pathetically socialist constitution, one that, in my opinion, creates a nanny state with all sorts of disincentives for personal responsibility. The more people who live under non-socialist democracies, the better.

I do realize that some portion of the non voters are extreme leftists who think the EU constitution didn't go far enough to safeguard the 35 hour work week, eight weeks of paid vacation, retirement at 55, etc. One opponent of the EU constitution was handing out posters that read "No to a free-market Europe." Politics makes strange bedfellows indeed.

Another crooked politician goes down for the count.

Tennessee State Senator John Ford (D-Memphis) was all kinds of bad news. Judging by his record he went to the Boss Hogg Upstairs School of Ethics College:

During his tenure in the state Senate, John Ford has lost paternity lawsuits, given a political job to a girlfriend, used campaign money for his daughter's wedding and been successfully sued for sexual harassment.

Republican Senate leader Ron Ramsey said the Ethics Committee he chairs was getting ready to file a six-count charge against Ford for violating Senate rules stemming from a separate investigation into allegations he was paid by a consulting company with financial ties to the state's Medicaid program.

And this was the kind of person Memphibians wanted representing them? Southern politics are crazy.

Check out this description of Boss Hogg. Quite funny.

The collected entries for The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster can now be accessed here, in HTML or PDF format.

The writing is top-notch and wickedly funny. The author sometimes seems to have a better understanding of Vader and the Force than does Lucas, and he's an infinitely better writer of dialogue.

So it looks like the soulless boy that raped an 8-year-old girl and left her for dead in a landfill was in the U.S. illegally.

Imagine that.

The child rapist and attempted murderer came to the U.S. from the Bahamas on a visitor's visa in 2003. Like so many others, he stayed longer than his short-term limit.

He was arrested three times for burglary in 2004, but apparently the juvenile justice system in Florida doesn't communicate with the immigration authorities. I can think of a way to fix that, and I'll write the software myself for $1 if it'll keep illegal aliens and criminals out of my country.

One very, very simple way to catch and deport a lot of illegal aliens is to print their visa expiration date on any paperwork or forms of identification they possess or come into possession of while our soverign nation extends them the permission to reside inside our borders. Pulled over for a traffic violation? Visa expired? You'd better have a suitcase packed and in the trunk, because you're going home.

Maybe by gathering more information on who is coming into our country and actually doing something when we come in contact with a guest who has overstayed their visit we could prevent despicable crimes like what a little 8-year-old girl had to endure in Florida.

The Reverend has seen Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, and he was not disappointed.

I have complaints but they're a magnitude or two less than with Episodes I and II in both number and intensity.

There were times when Stephen Hawking’s Speak & Spell would have sounded like Kenneth Branagh compared to Hayden Christensen’s delivery. I guffawed loudly twice that I can remember in reaction to some monstrously bland dialog. Lucas bashes us over the head with some exposition that has all the grace of Helen Keller and Tommy (the Pinball Wizard) juggling water balloons on the surface of a neutron star. A few of Palpatine’s scenes were so bad that I thought I was watching outtakes from Scream IV, or Ernest Goes to the Dark Side. Why did the Wookies give the Tarzan jungle yell when they were swinging into action? Gen. Grievous and some of the other mechs seemed really clunky when they moved...

But then...Ewan McGregor turned in a pretty good performance. Ian McDiarmid’s cunning was delightfully wicked at times. The fight between Grievous and Obi-Wan was interesting. The extended sequence for the execution of Order 66 was very well done. The final fight between Obi-Wan and Anakin was excellent, and the results very, very gruesome. The birthing scene was very touching and the ending was excellent.

Still, the Luc-ass can never be forgiven for screwing up I and II so much. If I had him in a locked room I’m probably go postal and Gimp him for the rest of his life. He’d only be allowed out to sweep the theater and work on fixing I and II. Prior to seeing this movie I would have Gimped him and tossed him in a river.

I’d give it a 7 out of 10, and I think I’ll be seeing it again on the big screen.

Five substantiated cases of Koran mishandling, says Robert Burns in an AP release. Two were accidental, three were deliberate.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, Gitmo IS a gulag. Dear god, they (sorry, is God offensive to Muslims?) have really done it this time. A fascist jarhead picked up a Koran with one hand, NOT TWO! Such disrespect! This order HAD to come from the top! Also, a soldier accidentally knocked a container, causing water to come in contact with the Koran. I'm surprised Allah didn't jump out of his magic lantern and hit the big old SMITE button right there.

But I'm overreacting. One of the mishandlings involved placing two Korans on a television. Why that's bad, I'm not sure. One with think, much like hot chicks in bed, one is good...two are better. Right? Or maybe placing a Koran on a television isn't kosher. I mean, uh, verboten. Er, you know. In two unsubstantiated cases interrogators were said to have inappropriately touched or "stood over" a Koran. Stood over? WTF does that mean?

Call the ICRC. Call Amnesty International. Call the UN. This reckless torture has got to be stopped! Better yet, maybe all those these agitating ass-clowns should go back and read The Gulag Archipelago again just to get their perspectives straight.

Would Newsweek like to run a story on the 15 incidents where detainees mishandled or inappropriately treated their own Korans? That'd seem only fair. As a headline, let me suggest:

Muslims Three Times as Intolerant as Americans

I've never heard of Charlie Amter before. In this hard-hitting piece of middle school journalism, Amter rehashes earlier reports of two total ass-clowns in England who filled fluorescent tubes with fuel to make light sabres. What, you didn't read about it at Blogarula? Shame on you.

One paragraph in Amter's story almost slammed my valve permanently shut:

Aside from fiery accidents, the Sith craze is being blamed on a string of robberies. In separate incidents in Illinois and Florida, dark side-inspired crooks wearing Darth Vader helmets are being sought by police on assault and robbery charges.

The Sith craze? What Sith craze? The Sith craze is being blamed on a string of robberies? Sure, there have been some SW-themed crimes lately, but what Sith craze is the author talking about? I hardly think a string of robberies is responsible for the massive hype surrounding the movie. What the HELL is he talking about!?

Read the article for yourself...it's a rambling, disconnected piece of garbage. Amter should have his pie-hole glued shut, Texas-style.

Ari Berman writes in The Nation:

No sooner does Newsweek retract its Koran desecration story then a flurry of news reports attest to just what Newsweek seemed to be reporting.

No, a flurry of news stories are reporting allegations of Koran abuse - none of which have been substantiated. What Newsweek did was state in no uncertain terms that American guards at Gitmo flushed a Koran down a toilet to get a terror suspect to talk. Of course they can't substantiate their claim and they don't seem to be too upset that at least 15 people lost their lives when the Afghans took their anger to the streets.

Newsweek claims that a General whom they asked to comment on the allegations didn't specifically deny the allegations. Didn't people learn that silence does not equal consent when they chopped off that dude's head? That's some good reporting! Yes! Who's my good reporter? Who's a BIG BOY!? Fucking morons. Look at the motto for my blog. Silence is golden.

Ari Berman, many have said you are a raving asshole. Do you deny this?

...

I'll take that as a no!

Stupid woman, or small car? Or both?

A woman was arrested after the California Highway Patrol officer who pulled her car over found nine people crammed inside, including two children in the trunk.

Lavern Dunlap, 35, of Glendora, was pulled over about 8 p.m. Friday after another driver reported seeing a woman closing the trunk of her Toyota Corolla with two children inside as the vehicle sat parked on a shoulder.

Well, you see, that's the fatal flaw in her plan. My friends have crammed me into the trunk of a motor vehicle before, they were just smart enough to not let anyone see.

Dunlap told the officer she was heading to her sister's house in Palmdale, about a 60-mile trip.

That's enough time for a child to die in a trunk if the exhaust system has problems. And let's just assume that this lady was driving a broke-ass piece of crap. And finally...

No one was wearing a seat belt.

Of course not.

My jujjment: Stick for Laverne, boot to the head for the unidentified adult, foster families for the children.