If You Really Loved Me You'd Let Me Eat Your Brain

The following is a comment posted in response to a Reason blog entry. I thought all y'all might get a laugh out of it. Just imagine how this would go over in enlightened, tolerant Madison.

I went to this cheap circus when I was in my early teens, and they had the world's smallest elephant. It came out following the other elephants around, but it couldn't keep up. After the other elephants left, it stood up on its hind legs, pulled a zipper and--whamo--a chimpanzee jumped out of the elephant suit!

...The chimpanzee jumped up on a mini-motorcycle. It was real--it had a workin' motor and everything, but the ringmaster had the monkey attached to him by a chord. The ringmaster had the chimp drive the mini-cycle around the inside of the ring; every once in a while, the ringmaster would give the chord a yank, and the chimp would tumble off the motorcycle. Every time the chimp fell off the bike, the ringmaster would whip the chimp until it got back up on the bike again!

...The first time the ringmaster whipped the chimp, people started mumbling to themselves. The second time the ringmaster whipped it, people started gettin' really vocal. By the last time the monkey got the whip, the audience was so angry I thought someone might run into the ring and stop the ringmaster.

...That's when the chimp stood on its hind legs, pulled a zipper, and--whamo--a midget jumped out of the monkey suit! ...Everyone applauded and laughed at themselves.

I guess the moral of the story is that the two-bit circus audiences of central Maryland in the early '80s could get mad as hell seein' a monkey get horse whipped, but, for some reason, whippin' little people was considered good family entertainment.

The comment is the work of Ken Shultz.